"Anxious Contentment" - Finding Inner-Peace Through Art & Acceptance

Lockdown, week 3. A reflection on one of my paintings that seems very relevant now during quarantine.

Anxious Contentment - Belmar Fishing Pier Painting — “Anxious Contentment” – Watching sunrise from the beach. Trying to find inner peace with anxiety and panic.

I painted this piece during a rough patch. I say patch because it feels like sometimes in life you just need something or someone to fix or cover up the leak in the ship. I’ve always been a rather anxious person. I carry around a low hum of stress and my mind races even at the most seemingly calm moments.

When I first moved to the beach, I’d wake up early and watch sunrise next to Belmar pier on the north end of town. I’d watch the seagulls fly and listen to the sounds of the ocean breathing in and out the shoreline. From an outside view, I was the most zen mutha-fuka on the beach. But on the inside I was struggling to just quiet my mind and find a moment of “Anxious Contentment”, which is what I called this painting.

I’ve gotten a lot better at finding stillness within and I maintain a mediation practice and have found a little more inner peace. But nowadays I’m finding that background noise increasing again. I had my first panic attack in a while recently that sort of snuck up on me without much warning. I have talked to some friends lately who also have had struggles with stress and all this uncertainty.

I think overall, I’ve been handling this lockdown and the changing times well, but even when we aren’t aware of it, our subconscious is on auto-pilot. I just wanted to share to break some of the stigma. None of us are perfect and we all need love and support. Even those of us who from an outside perspective seem to be the most zen mutha-fuka’s. ????

Stay home and stay safe. Love one another and give yourself the same to just be.

PS: If interested, I have prints (and the original oil painting) available.

PSPS: I started a Patreon page last week. I’ll be sharing more in-depths views of my process, a peek at my current and past works and offering insights and pro-tips. Every bit of support is appreciated during this time especially.